Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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