i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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