Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
