she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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