Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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