Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
