do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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