And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
