I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
