This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
