Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
