Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
