i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
