Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think my mom watched the whole time
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
