I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
