so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she told me i tasted like america
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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