Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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