I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
