umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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