i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
