The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
