I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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