I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
