Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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