your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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