yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He did a backflip because drugs
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