3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
