Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
