Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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