Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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