fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
