her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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