last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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