apparently the secret to your success is patron
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
