just tell him i said nine months
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I need a burrito and a hug.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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