You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
