whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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