the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
