OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
