Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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