i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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