Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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