I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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