a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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