I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
