Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
