I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
