we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my liver is dry heaving
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor