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i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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