Only a mothe r could love this liver
you would pick up someone in the library
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize