apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
