what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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