Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
