so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
