dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize