she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
