Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You have to summon your inner elephant
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
