Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
