I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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