when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
