but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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