First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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