Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
