I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
