wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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