dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
