Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
