Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
