i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
