he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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