I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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