Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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