I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
