oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
