It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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