anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
