So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
