forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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