Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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