Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
