he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
