all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
